I can’t remember the last time I went on a proper beach holiday which got me thinking and dreaming about what I like to do when I’m away.

First of all I prefer a beach that is reasonably chilled and the paler the sand the better. It doesn’t need to be deserted, in fact I prefer it not to be, that would be weird. I like a quiet area where I can stretch out on a sun lounger and bake for a while. It usually takes me a day or two to get into the groove and remember there aren’t the usual tasks of life that prevent me from doing whatever the hell I like. Once I’m adjusted I can happily spend my time migrating from bed to breakfast to beach to lunch to beach to dinner and back to bed on repeat for the duration.

I don’t need to take that drive around the island nor do I need to check out the local old town, in fact, I object. I want to snack on something every two hours and partake in that daily afternoon cocktail because drinking during the day is perfectly acceptable when one is vacay-ing. Books are a must, a good thriller or something trashy that involves zero concentration. Then there’s that moment when you gently wake up to the sound of the waves and realise it wasn’t a dream.

Dear God, I promise to be ever so good. Please send me an all expenses paid holiday to paradise.